Saturday, 10 November 2012

Shadow of a doubt and other matters

Well, the news item that I submitted to Your Thurrock has still not been posted.  There could be a number of reasons for this – the volume of work the boss has to edit, the possibility that what I wrote was either crap or did not capture what the boss wanted.  There are probably other reasons too but, whatever the reason, I am left feeling as though I am being ignored.  This is not the boss’s fault, simply my own depression talking to me through the constant chattering of my personal demons who tell me that I am not worth listening to, that my writing is crap and that I should give up now before I really embarrass myself.  It is the not knowing that raises these thoughts, these shadows of doubts, in my abilities and my self-worth takes a battering.  I should not let these thoughts get to me but I cannot help it.  Perhaps I am worthless as a writer.  Perhaps I should just give up.  Perhaps I should stop writing this blog too.  I do have readers here on this blog but not really enough to make it worthwhile continuing to write it.  Perhaps.
I am not looking for thousands of readers, just a hundred would be nice.  I struggle sometimes to reach double figures on some of my entries so would anyone really miss me if I stopped writing?
Now onto other matters…
My internet connection is down on my mobile ‘phone so I am at the mercy of the public library system at the moment.  I spent over an hour on the ‘phone to the mobile ‘phone technical support line and got very little help so I am losing days of the 30 day internet pass I purchased with nothing to show for it.
I am angry and more than a little annoyed that the people at T-Mobile seemed to think it funny to slam the ‘phone down on me about three times whilst they were paying the bill for the call so I had to keep calling them back on my ‘phone at about 25p per minute.  I would change networks if it were not for the fact that the handset I have got is a T-Mobile brand ‘phone.  I am sick and tired of all the problems I have been having with T-Mobile and will certainly be considering changing networks should I ever have the money to buy a new ‘phone.
*  *  *  *  *
I realise that my blog has turned into nothing more than a boring round of moaning and misery but it is hard to put any humour into my entries when circumstances are dictating that there is nothing to write about except mundane, miserable matters.  I shall try to come up with something better in future.
Until next time (if, indeed, there is a next time)…

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