A very blue December

As regular readers will know, I lost my beloved cat Merlin six months ago and you will have noticed that I haven’t done much in the way of blog writing ever since.  Merlin was not just a cat to me; he was my son, my best friend and my feline avatar.  The pain I felt the day he died in my arms is still as fresh now six months on as it was on that day.  I still feel the way his body went limp in my arms as he slipped his mortal moorings to what I hope is a better place.  This is the first Christmas I will not have Merlin with me and it is killing me.

I have decided to slightly alter the lyrics of a Barry Manilow song that fit how I have been feeling for the last six months.  I hope the writers (Chris Arnold, David Martin and Geoff Morrow) don’t mind but I really need to make people understand why I couldn’t possibly think of getting another cat and this seems to be the best way.

"Can't Smile Without You"

You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything
You see I felt sad when you were sad
I felt glad when you were glad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile without you

Merlin came along just like a song
And brightened my day
Who would of believed that you were part of a dream
Now it all seems light years away

And now you know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything
You see I felt sad when you were sad
I felt glad when you were glad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile

Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find
Well, I'm finding it hard leaving you behind me

And you see I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything
You see I felt glad when you were glad
I felt sad when you were sad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile without you

I miss you, Merlin.