Monday 12th May 2014 – additional

After a long and ultimately pointless ‘discussion’ with Sue ‘Kitty’ Jones about my diary entry for Saturday 10^th May, she seems to flounced off in a huff for me even mentioning the original debate we had that had me blocked from the Facebook group we were having it in.

She accused me of attacking her in the group and that’s why I was blocked from the supposedly ‘open’ group.  She accused me of singling her out, totally ignoring the fact that she was the one most involved in the debate that raged in the group so it’s a little difficult to bring any other people into the diary entry I wrote.  There was a guy called Glen but, as he merely echoed what Ms Jones was saying and as he barely had any input into the debate other than echoing Ms Jones, it’s hard to say much about him.  She accused me of attacking other group members but there was only one other main contributor to the debate and that was Glen.

During the contretemps on this blog’s diary entry for Saturday 10^th, I even apologised for saying it was her that blocked me on the Facebook group but added the caveat that it wasn’t much of a leap to assume it was her because of the fact that it was during our debate that it happened so it must have been her or someone did it at her behest.

Poor old Ms Jones can’t see what I’m trying to achieve with my new blog – the chance at creating a new political system that might solve society’s problems rather than perpetuate them.  All she can see is someone who seems to be attacking her precious Labour party even though I wasn’t because I am sympathetic to some Socialist ideals, just not to the point that blinds me to their obvious faults.

I hope Ms Jones goes back to her blog and continues to fight the good fight against the current Tory-led Coalition Government because, in her own way, she’s doing a good thing in trying to get rid of them; however, I hope she leaves me and those who want to rid the UK’s political system of tribalism alone because all she will do is damage our attempts to create a better way forward with her ‘Labour is good, Labour is the only way’ attitude.

I have no doubt that she will try to bad mouth me on her blog and she’s welcome to do so because I believe in freedom of speech which is why her comments on the diary entry for Saturday 10^th will remain on the entry as will my replies.  At least I’m not afraid of other people’s views.

Monday 12th May 2014

I took the first dose of my new anti-depressant Saturday night after Diana, my soon-to-be ex-wife, found some extra money to get my prescriptions filled.  As a result I spent most of yesterday in a virtual coma.  When I finally woke up I still felt drowsy and wasn't really able to maintain any kind of focus.

Considering how this medication affects me and the fact that I have another different anti-depressant to take every morning as well I'm not exactly sure how the Government expect me to be able to hold down a job, even with the diminishing effects.  I have never really had the level of diminished effect with increased dosage that the psychiatrist says I should have, not that he believes me.  I get down to about 12 hours of sleep per day but nothing shorter and my sleep pattern is still too irregular, meaning that I can be drowsy most of the day and awake most of the night one day and then vice versa in the next day or two.

It seems as though my medication does have a slight positive effect on my depression, judging by the difference between the period I wasn't able to take my medication and when I'm able to take it; however, when I'm on the medication, I can barely function and when I'm not on medication I can function better but I become so depressed it sometimes dips into suicidal ideation.

My latest anti-depressant also causes me to become light-headed if I stand up too fast and causes my vision to become blurry.  So, I ask you, how the Hell can I hold down a job with regular hours (if I can even find a job in the first place)?

Don't get me wrong - I want a job.  I don't like being on benefits, never have, but the Government have taken away my benefits, leaving me with nothing.  How is that "making work pay"?

The DWP actually agree that my diagnosis has become worse since I was last asked to fill out another monitoring form but they took away my benefits.  My living expenses haven't gone away but they've left me with nothing and I'm expected to have the woman who's divorcing me (we have a court date for early June) to financially support me because we are forced to share a flat because the local authority have given us very little help in re-housing us in separate accommodation.

I know that there are many others who are in the same (or an even worse) position but, after all I've done for other people trying to stand up for them when the welfare 'reforms' weren't affecting me, surely I should be allowed the opportunity to think only of my own situation?  It's not like anyone else is standing up for me now that the full force of the welfare 'reforms' are now bearing down on me, is it?

Saturday 10th May 2014

I was in the middle of having a debate on a Facebook group called “I bet I can find a million people who DON’T want David Cameron as our PM” in a comment stream on a link to my new blog which has a re-blogging of my open letter to the three main political party leaders from this very blog.  The person, Sue ‘Kitty’ Jones (a blogger in her own right and probably with a bigger audience than I have), criticised my piece saying that it would be impossible to get the major parties to work together.  I pointed out that, in post-WW2 Britain, we had a consensus amongst the parties so it proves that it is possible.  The trouble is, even though I tried to point out that all the political ideologies have some good features, she ignored my caveat that I meant the pure ideologies not the partisan versions being used by the political parties of today.

Ms Jones countered my argument that stripping tribalism out of politics because it achieves nothing (as any good one administration does is immediately undone by the other administration when the opposing party takes power).with a barrage of pointless attacks saying ‘human rights abuses’ and such are parts of Tory ideological makeup and how can there be anything good about them.  I pointed out that she was using partisan ideology examples to counter an anti-partisan approach that I was trying to put forward.

I would have continued the conversation but I found myself unable to return to the group page.  I assume that this was orchestrated by Ms Jones herself because she couldn’t grasp the simple difference between what she was talking about and what I was talking about.  You would think, as I had also posted links to two other re-blogged postings from this blog outlining the need for political change and an idea how that might work, that she would have been able to distinguish the difference but she obviously doesn’t like to read any other viewpoint than her own, is a staunch Labour supporter and believes that a vote for Labour is the only way forward (she said as much in our conversation).

How do I know that Ms Jones either blocked me herself or had me blocked from the group?  Let’s just say that I have more than one Facebook account and I got in with that one just fine.  So much for it being an ‘open’ group.

It seems that, with people as blinkered as Ms Jones, my efforts to nurture political change in the UK will be forever stymied because, with her attitude, the status quo is all we’ll ever have here and the UK will be forever doomed to remain in a cycle of swinging between the Left and Right sides of the political spectrum being in power, leading to political stagnation and a reinforcement of the status quo.

I don’t know why I bother.

I suppose the only good thing that came out of it is that, for once, I’m being branded (albeit silently) a Right-winger which should please the critics of my work on Your Thurrock who always branded me a Left-winger.

Friday 9th May 2014

I feel sick.

I received an e-mail offering me a job yesterday and last night I was given enough proof to convince me that the whole thing is a fake.  Oh the website looks OK and they put across some very good reasons why I should take the job...but the company uses practices that seem a little off to me and it also appears on a scam warning website as being reported for fraud.

The job seemed a little too good to be true anyway but this has really upset me because it would have meant financial security for me with a healthy income and working hours that were short enough for me to be able to continue to pursue my personal interests.

I suppose I should have expected this kind of thing when I uploaded my CV to a number of job search websites but I was foolish to think that, if I did everything I could to show I’m trying to everything I could to get a job, I might actually get genuine job offers.  However, what has happened is I have become more depressed because of the lack of jobs I am either qualified/have enough experience in or are close enough for me to get to because of the lack of funds for travel.

The only high spot from yesterday was the fact that I started a new blog called Voice of the Resistance with an entry acting as a call to arms for the citizens of the UK to try to bring about the removal of the current Government and the institution of radical political change.  It is both gratifying and depressing that the first posting on that blog actually got more views in one day than the last four postings on this blog have in total.  It means that people are prepared to read my work and like it, judging from the comments I have received on Facebook, but that this blog is left unread by all but a loyal few.

Perhaps this is an indication that mental health is still too taboo a subject for people to want to engage with.  I know this blog happens to be rather downbeat but that’s the nature of a blog about my personal experiences of suffering with depression.  I cover other topics too but it seems that no one is willing to read them even when I go to great pains to re-post links to the entries.

If anyone’s interested in reading my new blog, you can find it here: http://voiceoftheresistanceuk.blogspot.com/