Spoof letters to Iain Duncan Smith

Here are some spoof letters I wish I had the guts to send to Iain Duncan Smith.

Dear Mr Smith (or is it Duncan Smith?),

A lot of people get confused as to what your surname is; some say it is ‘Smith’ and some say it is ‘Duncan Smith’.  I think it would be really helpful if you could clear up this matter for all concerned.  Perhaps, if ‘Duncan’ is a surname, you could hyphenate your surname to make it entirely clear to the ignorant plebs you think the rest of the human race are that your surname is ‘Duncan-Smith’.

Just trying to be helpful.

Regards,

Myles Cook

Dear Mr Duncan Smith,

I think you’re doing a wonderful job culling the poor, sick and disabled of the UK to make sure that only the people with a reasonable income inhabit the lower strata of society.  It’s about time that someone such as yourself had the backbone to do the dirty job of ridding society of the deadwood and restore some resemblance of racial purity into UK society.

See you at the next Conservative Party conference.

With the greatest admiration,

S. A. Tan

Dear Mr Duncan Smith,

My friend and I are planning a trip to Auschwitz for a group of people to commemorate the Holocaust and we have a spare free place.  We were wondering if you would like to come on the trip with us.  I’m sure it will give you a very memorable experience as the memories of working there during the war in your previous life come flooding back.

Who knows?  It might even give you some ideas for setting up extermination camps for the poor, sick and disabled in the UK.  I’m sure Mr Cameron would be extremely pleased at you being able to enact The Final Solution you have both been looking for.

Regards,

A. Hitler (deceased)

Dear Mr Duncan Smith,

I want to play a game.

Regards,

Jigsaw

Dear Mr Duncan Smith,

My friends and I were discussing you and your welfare reforms the other day and we came to an impasse in our discussion that we were hoping you would be able to clarify the issue for us.

Half of us maintain that you are a conscienceless cunt who is punishing the poor, sick and disabled for being a spectacular failure as a party leader who got dumped before he could fight an election and half of us maintain that you are a closet Nazi, possibly the bastard son of one of the few straight Nazi top brass who escaped justice, and you are trying to bring about a new Holocaust here in the UK.  Could you tell us which it is?

Regards,

Andrew Smith

Dear Mr Duncan Smith,

Do you get the feeling that someone is trying to waste your time with letters of no consequence just to annoy you?

Regards,

Myles Cook