Down into the Abyss

I can feel my slump beginning to start building momentum right now and it is throwing up some nasty feelings and questions for me.

Is it possible for a man to undergo more than one mid-life crisis?  I really am interested to know the answer to that one because part of my current problem lies in the old clichéd situation of a middle-aged man trying to recapture some kind of lost youth by finding himself attracted to a younger woman who is completely unobtainable for more reasons than I can be bothered to go into here.

I call it a mid-life crisis but I’m hoping beyond hope that it’s more like a close-to-the-end-of-life crisis but that doesn’t change the nature of the problem.

With my marriage irretrievably ended, I find myself looking for love again but still in the unenviable situation of still being technically married as I haven’t got the money together for the divorce.  I wasn’t very good at meeting women when I was single and was at least a very low grade catch but now I’m even less of a catch than I was back then.  I’m older, have fewer prospects than a snowball in Hell and I’m overweight – hardly the ideal recipe for someone looking for a relationship.  Add to that mix the fact that I am an emotional cripple with depression and I may as well castrate myself now.

I have been reduced to posting adverts on Craigslist looking for whatever I can get in terms of some kind of relationship and even that isn’t going well.  All I seem to do is attract women from Eastern Europe looking to con me out of what money they believe someone from the UK and of my age should possess.  I suppose I should feel lucky that they at least make me feel wanted for a while and I do end up with some nice photos but it isn’t doing my self-esteem any good when they eventually ‘dump’ me.

The coming festivities aren’t helping much either.  Everywhere, Christmas decorations are going up and there is the constant presence of Christmas creeping into everyday life from shops playing Christmas music to Christmas movies being shown on TV.  What about those of us who don’t want to be reminded of the bloody time of year?  It’s at times like these that I really empathise with non-Christians as the shops and the media ram the Christian holiday down our throats without a thought to how it might make us feel.

So what do I do now?  How can I handle a new mid-life crisis, the hopeless search for love and Christmas all at the same time?  I’m getting desperately miserable and don’t know where to turn.  Any suggestions from my faithful readers would be gratefully received.

It's isolation time again

Although I've had a good few weeks with all the work I've done with the social work students at Anglia Ruskin University, I can feel myself beginning my annual journey down the dark path so I must start to isolate myself.

I have already begun to wrap up the last few loose ends of the work I've been doing so I can isolate myself with a clean slate.  I don't suppose many people will notice I've gone missing but that's the beauty of being a nobody.

Regular readers will know of my hatred for the Christmas and New Year period but I have a more pressing reason for isolating myself this year.  I can't go into details here but there's a lot of stuff going on in my life right now including the game of shadows I seem to be entangled in with my unknown opponent.

I need to rest up for a while away from any distractions and from anyone who might get dragged down by my coming darkness.

I will still be posting entries on this blog if I have anything to say though.

Another dark day

In a blinding flash earlier this evening I finally caught a glimpse at how my wife truly despises me.  I admit to making a stupid mistake a few years ago but I don’t deserve the hatred that is being hurled at me.

My wife seems to love blaming me for everything that went wrong with our marriage and ignores her part in the marriage failing.  I’m too nice a man to go into details about what the problems were in our relationship but, having seen what my wife has said about me, I’m wondering if I should be less gentlemanly and just blow the lid off of the sorry state our marriage was in.

I have held up my hands and come clean to my family about the mistakes I’ve made and, to my eternal surprise, they have been rather supportive although that may have been because when I told them I had just come out of hospital having had treatment for an overdose of anti-depressants.

What I don’t understand is that I thought my wife and I had reached a kind of mutual agreement to stay together and then she pulls out the “I want a divorce” conversation.  Then, to confuse matters even more, she’ll do something really nice for me that makes me think that, perhaps, there’s still hope for us.  Of course, then she’ll talk about divorce again and I really don’t know where I stand with her.

I realise that I’m not exactly the greatest catch in the world but does that give her the right to keep treating me this way?  Before we got married, I told her that I was, and still am, an emotional cripple and find it hard to express love but I have tried my hardest to make her feel loved and supported.  I know that she has had to financially support us both since I had to leave my last job but that was due to my failing mental health and hardly my fault.  It was not as though she was not told about my depressive condition before we got married either.

It’s just not fair that I’m being solely held responsible for what has transpired in our marriage.  If my wife had come clean about her problems, we could have worked something out but now I feel hurt and betrayed.

Perhaps it was a mistake getting married in the first place but then hindsight is 20/20.

Perhaps I should have just remained alone my whole life.

Proof if any were needed that UK MPs are completely unaccountable

Below is the full text of the response I got back from Grant Shapps’ office with regards to the follow up to the complaint I made to him regarding Jackie Doyle-Price.

Dear Mr Cook,

I am writing on behalf of the Party Chairman, The Rt Hon Grant Shapps MP, who has asked me to thank you for your recent email.

We are grateful to you for bringing this issue to our attention, and I am sure that the Chairman will be very sorry to hear of the difficulties you are having.

However, as you may appreciate, Grant is not in a position to intervene in matters such as these, regarding decisions taken by an individual Member of Parliament. As I am sure you will understand, it is up to all locally and democratically elected MPs to represent their constituents as they feel is most appropriate.

I do appreciate you taking the trouble to let us know your views, which I will be sure to pass on.

Thank you, again, for taking the time and trouble to get in touch.

Yours sincerely,

Oliver

Oliver Wells

Office of the Party Chairmen

Conservative Campaign Headquarters

As you can see, Mr Shapps is as useless as the rest of Parliament as he is willing to let party members ignore their constituent’s views if they see fit.

I don’t know about you but I don’t think ignoring one’s duty to be quite the right act of any elected representative and makes me think that our “locally and democratically elected MPs” can remain completely unaccountable to the people they were elected to serve the interests of simply by virtue of the fact that there is no one keeping an eye on them.

I think that the only recourse open to those of us who have been ignored by our MP is to try going to the Parliamentary Standards Committee which will be my next port of call.

Another letter to Grant Shapps about Jackie Doyle-Price

Below is the full text of my latest letter to Grant Shapps on the Jackie Doyle-Price affair.  I will get my apology even if it kills her!

Dear Mr Shapps,

It is now six weeks since I wrote to you regarding a complaint against your colleague, Ms Jackie Doyle-Price and I am writing to ask if there has been any action taken with regards to the matter.

In the intervening time since you acknowledged receipt of my initial e-mail (sent on 28/09/13) and to which I replied (30/09/13), I have received two communications from your assistants at the Conservative Campaign Headquarters – one from Oliver Wells and the other from Jamie Njoku-Goodwin – neither of which has been that helpful. 

Below is the exchange with Mr Wells:

From: chairman@conservatives.com
To: valen1971@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: RE: Re - Jackie Doyle-Price complaint
Date: Tue, 8 Oct 2013 16:12:58 +0000

Dear Mr Cook,

I am writing on behalf of the Party Chairman, The Rt Hon Grant Shapps MP, who has asked me to thank you for your recent email.
 
It is good of you to get in touch and make us aware of your thoughts. Your feedback is appreciated and I will be sure to pass your comments on to the Chairman.

Thank you, once again, for taking the time and trouble to get in touch.
 
Yours sincerely,
 
Oliver
 
  
Oliver Wells
Office of the Party Chairmen
Conservative Campaign Headquarters

Dear Oliver,

As this is an actionable matter, could you keep me informed of what Mr Shapps plans to do about the matter?  I would hate to think that nothing will be done about Ms Doyle-Price's deplorable actions and attitude.

Regards,

Myles Cook

I have received no answer to my question since that exchange.

I then sent the entire content of my e-mails to Ms Doyle-Price and her replies to you on 09/10/13 for you to peruse but have heard nothing with regards to that e-mail.

On the 14/10/13 I received the following e-mail from Jamie Njoku-Goodwin in reply to the e-mail thanking you for your speedy acknowledgement of my complaint (sent 30/09/13):

Dear Mr Cook

Thank you for your further email.  The best thing to do would be to contact MPs directly, as they are free as individuals to take part in training and workshops that they so wish to.

Thank you once again for your email.

Yours sincerely,

Jamie Njoku-Goodwin

Office of the Party Chairmen

Conservative Campaign Headquarters

Saying that I should contact MPs directly to offer my services with mental health awareness sessions won’t really work with Ms Doyle-Price as she is refusing to answer any of my e-mails (contrary to her duty as an MP for Thurrock).

So, with all this in mind, I was wondering if you could tell me what has been done to discipline Ms Doyle-Price (if anything) and if she will be offering me the public apology I have asked for?

I do not wish to make a big issue of this but, if Ms Doyle-Price does not start answering my queries and doing her duty as my representative in Parliament, I shall have no option but to take this to the local media in Thurrock.  And, if I do not start receiving responses with regards to this situation from yourself, I shall have to take the fact that you are not helping a member of the electorate get answers from an unresponsive MP to the national media.

Regards,

Myles Cook

Any response I get will be posted here.