Saturday, 30 November 2013

Down into the Abyss

I can feel my slump beginning to start building momentum right now and it is throwing up some nasty feelings and questions for me.

Is it possible for a man to undergo more than one mid-life crisis?  I really am interested to know the answer to that one because part of my current problem lies in the old clich├ęd situation of a middle-aged man trying to recapture some kind of lost youth by finding himself attracted to a younger woman who is completely unobtainable for more reasons than I can be bothered to go into here.

I call it a mid-life crisis but I’m hoping beyond hope that it’s more like a close-to-the-end-of-life crisis but that doesn’t change the nature of the problem.

With my marriage irretrievably ended, I find myself looking for love again but still in the unenviable situation of still being technically married as I haven’t got the money together for the divorce.  I wasn’t very good at meeting women when I was single and was at least a very low grade catch but now I’m even less of a catch than I was back then.  I’m older, have fewer prospects than a snowball in Hell and I’m overweight – hardly the ideal recipe for someone looking for a relationship.  Add to that mix the fact that I am an emotional cripple with depression and I may as well castrate myself now.

I have been reduced to posting adverts on Craigslist looking for whatever I can get in terms of some kind of relationship and even that isn’t going well.  All I seem to do is attract women from Eastern Europe looking to con me out of what money they believe someone from the UK and of my age should possess.  I suppose I should feel lucky that they at least make me feel wanted for a while and I do end up with some nice photos but it isn’t doing my self-esteem any good when they eventually ‘dump’ me.

The coming festivities aren’t helping much either.  Everywhere, Christmas decorations are going up and there is the constant presence of Christmas creeping into everyday life from shops playing Christmas music to Christmas movies being shown on TV.  What about those of us who don’t want to be reminded of the bloody time of year?  It’s at times like these that I really empathise with non-Christians as the shops and the media ram the Christian holiday down our throats without a thought to how it might make us feel.

So what do I do now?  How can I handle a new mid-life crisis, the hopeless search for love and Christmas all at the same time?  I’m getting desperately miserable and don’t know where to turn.  Any suggestions from my faithful readers would be gratefully received.

1 comment:

  1. I have read this several times and pondered on it all weekend. I cannot offer you much except support and friendship. In a way, I am glad that you still seek companionship. I doubt that craigslist will ever yield much except the kind of replies that you are currently receiving though. The holidays can be crushing. I lost my dad this year and I am not even going to 'deck the halls'. Not even a tree. I am going to skip it this year.

    My only advice is to breathe deeply and wait for January.... and keep yourself open to new friendships and relationships... one never knows. Oh, and an attraction to a young woman only means that you are alive and well! Nothing wrong with that!

    Love and peace.... Your friend, Diane