Budget Day

The UK waits with baited breath to find out just how screwed we are going to be by the Government.  The poorest will more than likely bear the brunt of any hikes in taxation and various other charges with the upper and middle classes being considerably less hit.  I, for one, don't think it's fair that the poorest are worst hit all the time, call me an old softie if you like, but I feel that the better off in society should shoulder more of the burden.  Of course, the Government is run by a bunch of public school dicks who are so out of touch with the 'real world' that they might as well be considered a different species (somewhere between single celled organisms and pond scum) and, as such, have a warped view of the world as it is.

It's interesting that one of the current Government's strategies is to encourgage wealthy people to come here by fast-tracking their immigration applications - the more money they agree to house here, the faster they get through the process - but these wealthy people don't have to pay the UK any money, just have it in a bank in this country.  David Mitchell, on last week's 10o'Clock Live (Channel 4), likened this to the UK whoring itself out to the highest bidder and he felt that the wealthy people who want to take advantage of the UK in this manner should have to pay £1 million a year direct to the Treasury like a kind of rent with a £2 million deposit to cover breakages.  I can't see why this would prove to be a problem.  Under the current strategy, the Treasury would only get a fraction of that from the tax on the money these people would be obliged to keep here.  As David Mitchell put it - if we're going to act like a whore, we should take the money up-front before we get fucked.

Mitchell's idea is the way this Government should be working - making the well-off pay the most and leaving the poorest alone.  What we need are proper Robin Hood taxes.  'Boy George' Osborne should give the poorest people in the country a break.

It's lonely at the top

It's funny to think that, until a while ago, I didn't think that the cliche "it's lonely at the top" was true but now I know that it is.

I was the Chair of the Thurrock Mental Health Service Users and Carers Forum until last Wednesday when I quit at the March meeting.  It seemed to come as quite a shock to people.  I don't know why.  I had had enough of the stress of carrying the group as I had no Vice Chair to carry the load with me despite numerous requests for one.  It may seem that there wasn't a lot of work to do or worry to be had but there was.  I had had enough of taking other's problems on when no one was helping me to sort my own problems.

What surprises me is, that people seem to think that I should continue to carry the burden of other people's problems, the Forum and my own problems as if my doing so somehow means that they don't have to take responsibility for helping to 'fight the good fight' so to speak.  That it's my duty and no-one else's.

I can appreciate "Call Me Dave" Cameron's position now, although he does have something I did not - a deputy in the form of Nick Clegg to curl up at the feet of his master so Cameron can unload the stresses of the day while scratching Cleggy behind the ear.

So yes, it is lonely at the top.

Two Lives

It's funny how life works, isn't it?  One day you're just sitting there not knowing what to do and then a project slides its way into your head and you can't think of anything else.  This happened to me a while back when, after writing a couple of songs with my Facebook friend Anne, I had the odd notion that we should write a musical together.  Amazingly, Anne thought that it was a good idea and, in the past month or so, I have sent her about five or six sets of lyrics for her to write the music for.  I have to say that the first piece that Anne has worked on is really good and much better than I could have hoped for.

The story behind the musical, titled "Two Lives", is based on how Anne and I met up on Facebook through a group I set up and how we started this very productive song writing partnership.  Of course, I've only loosely based it on our story as I wanted something that will really be a dramatic and rather tragic piece with the odd touches of light-relief thrown in so that people aren't running from the venue trying to slit their wrists in an attempt to forget what they've just seen.

I don't know how long it's going to take to write but, hopefully, one day, you'll be able to see the completed musical on a stage near you.  If that ever happens, please remember that this is our first attempt at anything like this so go easy on us.  Of course, if you end up liking it, for heaven's sake let us know.

Christmas Quotes 2010

The other day I bumped into Santa Claus. A good bump it was, too! I ought to have been arrested, for there is no open season on Santa Claus. But sometimes a first class collision is an exciting thing. It will knock the wind out of you, and it may knock an idea into your head.

True, this Santa Claus did not have the white cotton whiskers or a red coat, but she was the real thing all right! Santa Claus in the flesh and plenty of it.

A lady who looked like an animated Christmas tree with packages dangling from very limb and I bumped and spilled. As I was trying to pick up the packages she gasped out, Oh, I hate Christmas anyhow! It turns everything upside down.

To which I said, That is just what it was made for. This lofty sentiment did not stop her dirty looks at all. But it is the big thing about Christmas.

Halford E. Luccock, Whoops! It's Christmas! from A Sprig of Holly, pp. 11

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)

Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected.

Jimmy Cannon

Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family...

Berke Breathed, Bloom County Babylon

The South East of England is a joke

All we've had is about 6 inches of snow and the whole place grinds to a halt.  Further up north they have had much more snow and still manage to cope.  Countries like Canada regularly have snowfall in feet rather than inches and still they function.  Everyone must be well and truly laughing at the South East of England and I can't blame them.

'Tis the silly season

I have made a great study of the Christmas period over the years and have come up with what I believe is the standard timetable for the silly season.  Placing the timetable on to this year I will give you the map to guide your Christmas festivities:

Phase One (29 November - 5 December):  Anxiety starts to build that you haven't bought any presents.  You search high and low for any money that has been lost down the back of the sofa to supplement what's left of your wages.  Thoughts turn to the coming Christmas party at work.

Phase Two (6 December - 12 December):  First round of Christmas parties.  You've completely forgotten to buy any presents but, as you're half drunk or hungover most of the time, you don't really care.  You start choosing the people you want to get off with at the party at work.  You complain that the roads around the shopping mall are gridlocked but can't think why.  Christmas cards start arriving through the post so you go out and buy the cheapest box of cards you can to reciprocate.

Phase Three (13 December - 19 December):  Anxiety turns to worry as you finally remember about not having got any presents.  Worry turns to anger as the shops are packed solid with other people desperately trying to buy their loved ones presents (they may even be buying some for their family!).  You see the petrol that you bought at a highly inflated price disappear as you're stuck in a gridlock for hours on end.  The work's Christmas party turns into a free for all as everyone grabs at the nearest available alcohol to make it easier to get off with their chosen colleague.  Some smart ass decides to photocopy their naked butt and pins up the copies all over the place.  People start to take bets on whose butt it is.  Alcohol levels are getting so high that you're endangering your life but that's OK because it's Christmas.

Phase Four (20 December - 23 December):  You suffer from alcohol related total amnesia and a sense that you may have really embarrassed yourself but can't think how.

Phase Five (24 December):  Full blown panic attack as you regain your memory and realise that it's Christmas Eve and you haven't finished the Christmas shopping.  You call work to tell them that you're sick so that you can spend what you can of the day (when you're not stuck in traffic) trying to rush around the shops.  Grocery shopping is more like a trolley dash as you grab things off the shelves and hope that it's something you and your family like.

Phase Six (25 December - 26 December):  Eat, drink and be merry until you open your presents and are extremely disappointed with yet another pair of novelty socks and things from the pound store.

Phase Seven (27 December - 30 December):  Over-indulgence makes it impossible to get to work so you sit watching crap on the TV and moaning about the crap you were given as presents.  Some adventurous people may make it out to the shops to return their gifts for store credit.

Phase Eight (31 December - 1 January):  Getting drunk with family and friends whilst making New Year's Resolutions that are almost immediately broken and forgotten.

Phase Nine (2 January - 9 January):  Slow detoxing from the Christmas period.

Hope this timetable is of help to you!

Oooooooooooo, isn't it cold?

I don't know about you but I'm loving the cold weather.  Thanks to the chill in the air, the shops have been almost empty of people and the roads have been surprisingly clear of traffic.  I'm not saying that I like the cold itself, only the advantages afforded to those of us brave enough to go out in it.

Christmas, on the other hand, I can well do without.  The relentless bloody happiness.  The stress.  The crowded shops.  The inevitable "X Factor" Christmas single.  Who needs it?  I'm going to treat this Christmas as just another day, no better or worse than the one before and the one before that.  I think that Scrooge had the right idea - let me keep Christmas in my way and you keep it in yours.