Monday, 10 March 2014

Some more missing pieces



Here are a couple of short incidents that I missed out in my four part chronicle “What made me the man I am today”.

The first comes from my school years but I can’t quite place the incident in time although I’m pretty sure it was around the age of ten or eleven.  I was in the park near my school and it was a hot day with loads of kids playing on the swings and roundabouts.  I was a shy boy still but getting to the age where I knew some of the information on the birds and the bees.  There was an older girl who used to hang around with the girls of my own age and she was a bit of a sexually flirtatious girl if not actually sexually active.  I once caught her with a friend of mine apparently giving him a blowjob; at least, that’s how it looked from where I was standing. 

It was not long after that incident that she and her cohort of followers took it upon themselves to try to gang up on me.  They wrestled me to the ground and, whilst the main group held me down, two of the girls under the older girl’s instruction tried to divest me of my jeans and Y-fronts.  I don’t know how I managed it but I was able to keep my modesty covered but only just before they had to break off their attack.

I suppose that attack could constitute a sexual assault but all I know is that it made me even more wary around girls.

The second incident comes from not long after my breakdown at work.  I was in a very fragile state as you can imagine and I hung onto anything that made me feel ‘normal’ with every fibre of my being.  One of those things was a short segment on Heart FM, an ‘X-Files’ spoof called ‘The X-Fools’.  It only lasted about three minutes each but it was the anchor on which my fragile psyche was attached at the time.

Unfortunately, one day I was called upon to deliver some stock to the showroom a couple of miles away from my warehouse so I asked one of my colleagues to tape the episode for me while I was away.  The station was already set all he had to do was press ‘record’ and leave it to run.  Being the nice guy he was, he did as I asked but when I returned and got ready to listen to that day’s episode, it transpired that someone had changed the station and I was greeted by a selection from Jazz FM or some such.

I went ballistic but, and this turned out to be good luck for the both of us, the guy who changed the station and didn’t turn it back had a dentist appointment that afternoon so he escaped my wrath.  However, I still had a massive amount of anger to get rid of so I took a large box that held the roof lining for a Jaguar, emptied it, stood it against the wall and promptly took my Stanley knife and proceeded to turn the 5ft by 5ft box into confetti.  The attack was so frenzied that the friction scorched the blade of the knife and where my hand brushed against the box, blisters and burns appeared on my skin.

I am not a violent man but I was not in my right mind at the time and that act of frenzied aggression has always haunted and worried me as it gave me an insight into the darkest recesses of my primal being when my higher self loses control for a moment.  It’s a testament to the thorough destruction of the box that I was still finding small pieces of it months later.

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