Friday, 28 June 2013

The hibernation cycle continues

I really feel as if I'm letting the side down during this hibernation cycle and the ones I've gone through previously.  All I seem to be doing is strengthening the Government's case against people on benefits during these cycles as I become the negative stereotype that the Tories use as justification for their harsh treatment of benefit claimants.

I don't mean to sleep late into the morning and doing nothing of value with my time but my depression and the side effects of my medication have, for the past three of four weeks, left me almost too tired to maintain a suitable level of consciousness and lacking the motivation to do anything.  That's not to say that I have been completely idle as only this past Monday I attended some training at Anglia Ruskin University in Cambridge but other than that and writing posts for this blog, I have been either unconscious or demotivated.

These hibernation cycles don't have a set length so this one could end tomorrow or next year.  I seem to have no control over them and that, in itself, is a depressing situation to be in.

Even now I can feel my eyelids getting heavier and my brain starting to shut down.  The self-hatred that plagues my every waking moment increases with every day I fail to achieve something, no matter how small, and all that does is feed the depression which in turn feeds the sleep disturbance which in turn feeds my hibernation cycle.

I hope that, by explaining the situation in which I find myself, people may not judge me too harshly for giving people on benefits a bad name during this cycle and that people will not extrapolate what is happening to me at the present time to others on benefits thereby increasing the discrimination and demonisation they are increasingly subject to.

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