Thursday, 20 December 2012

The Universe gives with one hand…

…and knocks you to the ground with the other, smashes your teeth out with vicious kicks to the face then steals back what it gave to you.
I should have known that things would go wrong after the change in luck with the advocacy service and my psychiatrist yesterday morning.  Of course, I was distracted by the turn in events that represented to notice the other foot dropping.
As you will know if you’ve been reading my other postings the past month or so, my life has been nothing but bad luck.  My mobile ‘phone died following a week of no mobile internet access followed by my laptop dying on me as I was trying to write up the notes I’d made for some news items for Your Thurrock.  This would be enough of a problem for me to cope with but the Universe, hating me as it does, threw up a problem with my new mobile ‘phone so that it was not being recognised as a device on the computer at the library.  I had the new handset for less than two weeks.
I took the handset back to the shop yesterday after a long wait at the bus stop in Grays as yet another bus had been cancelled without notice hoping that it would be easily sorted out.  What kind of idiot am I?  What happened was that the problem was not only insoluble; it also prevented the shop geeks from transferring the files I had downloaded, added or created on the ‘phone to the new one.  As such, I have lost all the apps and the files I had on the ‘phone, one of which was the start of a poem I had written and cannot remember what I wrote.  It was shaping up to be one of my best poems too and, as I can’t remember the lines I wrote, I can’t exactly finish writing it which breaks my heart more than you can imagine.  Somehow I managed to hold it together.
I left the shop, Carphone Warehouse, whose reputation is based on the fact that you can leave their shops with a working handset, with a ‘phone that didn’t have even the date and time set.  I asked them to apply the protective film to the screen for me as my hands aren’t steady and they refused saying that they weren’t trained to do so.  So much for ‘walking out working’.  So much for customer service.
I was soaking wet from having to walk to Sainsburys in Chafford Hundred in the pouring rain to pick up some shopping I couldn’t get closer to home and I then had yet another long wait for the bus in the cold at Lakeside.  I was cold, soaked to the skin and shivering as I finally made it home.
I decided to finish off the preparation of my mobile ‘phone by putting the protective film on the screen.  Big mistake!  My handset now looks a complete mess with air bubbles and bits of dirt under the film that I can’t get rid of.  The edges of the film are peeling up so it won’t be on for long anyway.  It wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the fact that my depression manifests in an obsession with imperfections.  I spend ages looking through magazines, DVDs, CDs, etc. to find ones that have no tiny tears, dog ears, scratches, breaks and so on; if there is an imperfection, I immediately focus on the bloody thing and it drives me crazy.  I cannot even face looking at the screen on the handset now so I have asked someone to take it back to the shop and get a full refund.
I will now not be able to connect to the internet at home at all and, after today, I do not feel able to face a world that is hostile to me.  I will have no connection to the outside world except to make the necessary purchases I need to make; I will otherwise remain indoors cut off from the world.  I may even try to get myself admitted to the Mental Health Assessment Unit in Basildon for Christmas despite my vow never to set foot in there again.  This probably means that this is my last posting unless a miracle occurs.  For friends who wish to keep in contact, I’ve left a holiday reply on my Hotmail Inbox so just e-mail me at and you’ll get my home telephone number.
I hope you all have a great Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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