Wednesday, 19 December 2012

I don’t know where I stand with anyone now

Yesterday I was told that I wasn’t going to have an advocate with me at my appointment with my psychiatrist, yet about an hour before my appointment time I received a ‘phone call from Thurrock Mind from an advocate wanting to discuss the appointment.  We arranged to meet ten minutes before the appointment for a briefing.  To say I was shocked by this turn of events is putting it mildly.
We met up as arranged and I told the advocate that I was worried about being discharged from the mental health service as that was the impression I was given at my last appointment and that I wanted to be prescribed a new anti-depressant, something the psychiatrist seemed to rule out last time.  I also discussed a couple of other issues by way of explaining why I wanted an advocate to be there in the first place.
Of course, the Universe had changed around me overnight making the need for an advocate unnecessary.  The man sitting in the chair behind the desk in the psychiatrist’s consultation room was the man I knew but he seemed to have undergone some kind of weird transformation.  Where he was against prescribing me another anti-depressant, today he could capitulate to my request fast enough.  The prescription pad was in his hand within seconds and he was scribbling out the details of the new medication.  Where he seemed to be in the frame of mind to discharge me, he was now talking about keeping me under a three-monthly schedule of follow-ups.
What the Hell is going on?  One minute I’m being cast adrift alone and unassisted, the next I’m being listened to and helped.  I know this turn of events should have me jumping for joy inside but all it’s done is throw my entire world into turmoil as I have no idea where I stand with people.  I didn’t have to convince the psychiatrist to help me, he just did.  I didn’t have to beg Thurrock Mind to send an advocate; they just did (even if it was a last minute thing).
I don’t understand the Universe at the best of times but now I’m really out of my depth.

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