Thursday, 3 May 2012

I don’t say things on Facebook just to get a reaction

Now that the local election is over for me, I can get back to entries that I have been putting off for one reason or another.  One such item concerns a comment someone made on my Facebook profile page following an incident where someone gained access to my account and posted “is gay” as my status.  One of my friends wrote a comment that gave the impression that I say some things on my Facebook profile just to get a reaction.  Now, I am not having a go at said friend but I thought I would make the situation over what I post on Facebook clear for everyone – I do not say things on my profile page just to get a reaction.  I have, on occasion, made some comments on my status that have given rise to some concern amongst my friends it is true but they have always been my exact feelings at the time of writing them.
One such occasion was the time that I had posted that I had failed in my attempt to hang myself.  It was a statement of fact that I really had just failed in a suicide attempt and that I felt an even bigger failure than normal.  I have also posted twice about feeling like throwing myself from a bridge into the river at Chelmsford following two very disheartening meetings at the university.  This, too, was a statement of how I was feeling at the time.
So, why do I feel the need to post such comments if it is not to provoke a reaction?  The answer is simple.  I have no way of hiding my mental health problem from people since I bared my soul at the mental health awareness events I organised, the first of which has footage on Your Thurrock/YouTube for all to see.  My life has been thrown into the public arena and hence into the crapper because of it.  I, therefore, see absolutely no reason to hide my moods and feelings from Facebook.  This does mean, however, that I do not have many friends and I seem to lose a few every so often.  I believe that, as I have basically screwed my life over anyway, I may as well continue to tell the truth about how I am feeling on Facebook in the hope that it helps others understand what I have to live with. 
The only crime I am guilty of on Facebook is the crime of omission.  I feel that there are some details of my life that are, and should remain, private so I do not mention them.  These omissions are rare and at least give my friends something to speculate about me, lending me a slight air of mystery.
I hope that clears things up for everyone.
Until next time…

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